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 Wonderful Sunday at St. Mary's Episcopal Church, Cathedral Road

24 September 2023

24 September 2023 ~ Holy Eucharist at St. Mary's Episcopal Church, Cathedral Road

 

 

R. Peter Nessen, 55, formerly of Middlebury

September 28, 2023

R. PETER NESSEN

HAVERILL, Mass. — The family of R. Peter Nessen mourns his passing on Aug. 31, 2023, at the age of 55. Peter leaves so many who love him fiercely and deeply and who will miss him terribly. He is mourned by his wife, Suzanne Gilligan; daughter, Grace Nessen-Gilligan; mother, Kathy Nessen; father, Richard Nessen; sisters, Pam Karlin, Annie Nessen, and Abigail Nessen Bengson; as well as his brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews, and niblings, and a loving, large extended family. His many friends and colleagues from every stage of his life are also joined in sorrow at the loss of a wonderful man.

Peter graduated from Middlebury Union High School in 1986, where he cultivated lifelong friendships with both fellow students and teachers who appreciated his keen intelligence, his love of debate, his baritone voice in the chorus, and his performances in drama productions. He was part of a champion Scholars’ Bowl team and his hilarious co-hosting of basketball games showed that even guys who march to their own drummer have school spirit.

Peter followed his love of mathematics to Vassar College where he received a B.A. in 1990. There, again, he made friends for life who still fondly remember his tweed jackets, love of James Taylor, hopeless romanticism, and that he was a loyal friend you could always, always call on for support.

Peter’s love of spirited argument and deep commitment to issues won him a reputation as a lovable, caring curmudgeon. Although he considered a career in mathematics, no one who knew him was surprised when he pursued a career in law — graduating from Boston University School of Law in 1996. While his family were all delighted with his diploma, they knew the best thing about law school for Peter was meeting the love of his life, Suzanne Gilligan. Performing together in Legal Follies, the annual law student musical revue, it was clear they were made to be together. In 1997, they married by candlelight in a church darkened by an electrical storm, a dramatic start to a wonderful life. Suzanne’s multi-lingual, energetic, world-traveling, and loving heart met Peter’s faithful, stay-at-home, hilarious and just soul and they made a beautiful life together traveling, doing puzzles, taking Grace to Disney, and reading one another to sleep.

Peter started as a Law Clerk for a federal judge (D., Mass.) in Boston, and then he and Suzanne moved to Chicago. Their daughter Grace was born there in 1999, and she has been their greatest pride and joy. Soon after her birth, they came to Vermont so Peter could work in a law firm from 1999-2000.  Peter was then a Staff Attorney for the US Court of Appeals in D.C. and then spent 20 years as a Senior Attorney for the U.S. Department of Labor, where he was valued for being undefeated in OSHA and MSHA hearings and for his stellar and successful representation of the Department in a variety of cases and disputes.

Peter is remembered as a deeply loyal person whose absolute integrity occasionally made him grouchy with the world as it is and whose affectionate nature and humor always pulled him back to the lighter side. He was kind-hearted but did not suffer fools (or unfairness) in silence. He was a life-long Red Sox fan who rode the waves and ups and downs of any true BoSoxer with passion, despair, and annual hope. He liked a glass of red wine. He loved a day in a comfortable chair — but would give up his seat to a dog or a little kid. And he had plans to return to Alaska where he felt a sense of deep peace.

Peter beat Hodgkins as a young man and died after complications following treatment for another cancer diagnosed only recently. While he is mourned, there is much to celebrate about such a man. A celebration of life for Peter will be held in Middlebury at the Bridge School on Exchange Street at 12:30 p.m., Saturday, Oct. 28.

Cards of condolence can be sent to any of his family members at 63 Seymour Street, Middlebury, VT 05753. The family would be particularly glad to hear stories about Peter from those who knew him.

Dedicated donations to honor his memory may be made to the Bridge School Math Program at 1469 Exchange Street in Middlebury, Vt. Peter personally worked with school founder Kathy Nessen to make (and even develop) many of the original math materials and games used there. Or, The ACLU, The Innocence Project, or the Southern Poverty Law Center in acknowledgement of Peter’s abiding dedication to the abolishment of the death penalty.

_________________________________________________________________________

 

R. Peter Nessen, 55, formerly of Middlebury

September 28, 2023

R. PETER NESSEN

HAVERILL, Mass. — The family of R. Peter Nessen mourns his passing on Aug. 31, 2023, at the age of 55. Peter leaves so many who love him fiercely and deeply and who will miss him terribly. He is mourned by his wife, Suzanne Gilligan; daughter, Grace Nessen-Gilligan; mother, Kathy Nessen; father, Richard Nessen; sisters, Pam Karlin, Annie Nessen, and Abigail Nessen Bengson; as well as his brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews, and niblings, and a loving, large extended family. His many friends and colleagues from every stage of his life are also joined in sorrow at the loss of a wonderful man.

Peter graduated from Middlebury Union High School in 1986, where he cultivated lifelong friendships with both fellow students and teachers who appreciated his keen intelligence, his love of debate, his baritone voice in the chorus, and his performances in drama productions. He was part of a champion Scholars’ Bowl team and his hilarious co-hosting of basketball games showed that even guys who march to their own drummer have school spirit.

Peter followed his love of mathematics to Vassar College where he received a B.A. in 1990. There, again, he made friends for life who still fondly remember his tweed jackets, love of James Taylor, hopeless romanticism, and that he was a loyal friend you could always, always call on for support.

Peter’s love of spirited argument and deep commitment to issues won him a reputation as a lovable, caring curmudgeon. Although he considered a career in mathematics, no one who knew him was surprised when he pursued a career in law — graduating from Boston University School of Law in 1996. While his family were all delighted with his diploma, they knew the best thing about law school for Peter was meeting the love of his life, Suzanne Gilligan. Performing together in Legal Follies, the annual law student musical revue, it was clear they were made to be together. In 1997, they married by candlelight in a church darkened by an electrical storm, a dramatic start to a wonderful life. Suzanne’s multi-lingual, energetic, world-traveling, and loving heart met Peter’s faithful, stay-at-home, hilarious and just soul and they made a beautiful life together traveling, doing puzzles, taking Grace to Disney, and reading one another to sleep.

Peter started as a Law Clerk for a federal judge (D., Mass.) in Boston, and then he and Suzanne moved to Chicago. Their daughter Grace was born there in 1999, and she has been their greatest pride and joy. Soon after her birth, they came to Vermont so Peter could work in a law firm from 1999-2000.  Peter was then a Staff Attorney for the US Court of Appeals in D.C. and then spent 20 years as a Senior Attorney for the U.S. Department of Labor, where he was valued for being undefeated in OSHA and MSHA hearings and for his stellar and successful representation of the Department in a variety of cases and disputes.

Peter is remembered as a deeply loyal person whose absolute integrity occasionally made him grouchy with the world as it is and whose affectionate nature and humor always pulled him back to the lighter side. He was kind-hearted but did not suffer fools (or unfairness) in silence. He was a life-long Red Sox fan who rode the waves and ups and downs of any true BoSoxer with passion, despair, and annual hope. He liked a glass of red wine. He loved a day in a comfortable chair — but would give up his seat to a dog or a little kid. And he had plans to return to Alaska where he felt a sense of deep peace.

Peter beat Hodgkins as a young man and died after complications following treatment for another cancer diagnosed only recently. While he is mourned, there is much to celebrate about such a man. A celebration of life for Peter will be held in Middlebury at the Bridge School on Exchange Street at 12:30 p.m., Saturday, Oct. 28.

Cards of condolence can be sent to any of his family members at 63 Seymour Street, Middlebury, VT 05753. The family would be particularly glad to hear stories about Peter from those who knew him.

Dedicated donations to honor his memory may be made to the Bridge School Math Program at 1469 Exchange Street in Middlebury, Vt. Peter personally worked with school founder Kathy Nessen to make (and even develop) many of the original math materials and games used there. Or, The ACLU, The Innocence Project, or the Southern Poverty Law Center in acknowledgement of Peter’s abiding dedication to the abolishment of the death penalty.

Bishop Bonnie Perry - “Clergy Monologue”

 Bishop Bonnie Perry - “Clergy Monologue”

We had a clergy gathering yesterday and spent time talking about the ups and downs of doing ministry these days. It's a hard time. I shared these thoughts. Thoughts inspired by Greta Gerwig and America Ferrera of the Barbie Movie. Truth is, I'm certain that these thoughts or ones very similar could be said of most vocations these days. But being ordained is what I know best.

"Clergy Monologue"

It is almost impossible to be clergy these days. You are so caring, and so smart, and it kills me that so many of us do not think we are good enough. Like, always we have to be extraordinary, but somehow, we're always doing it wrong.

We have to be prayerful, but not too prayerful, because that’s no fun in social situations. And you can never say you have doubts, because if you have doubts, why are you ordained, and who is going to cover for everyone else and their doubts, if we have doubts?

You have to be approachable, but not too vulnerable. So go ahead and be a wounded healer, but for heaven’s sake don’t bleed on everybody. You have to run a business, powered mostly by volunteers. You need expectations and boundaries, but you have to be pastoral first and foremost and so if someone can’t get something done, you have to understand. And perhaps take your day off and do it yourself.

You have to be spiritual, and ask people for money, but maybe you shouldn’t know how much people give, because then you might like someone more than another. But you know who has cancer and who is in an untenable marriage, and whose child is about to come out, and you can’t tell anyone, and when that person who is crushed with burdens at home, is peeved with you at church, you have to sit by, saying little and loving much.

You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a priest or a deacon, but don't talk about God all the time. You have to be special, but always one with the people.

You have to answer for other clergy’s bad behavior, bishops, priests, deacons alike, but if you point out its not the majority, then it looks like you are making excuses, or if you call people out: like bishops, priests or deacons, the system isn’t necessarily set up to reward your honesty with love.

And friends, because you are ordained forget about being rude, showing off, falling down, failing, or feeling despair, and for God’s sake don’t get out of line.

It's too hard! It's contradictory and there aren’t many medals, too few “Thank Yous” and you work weekends!

It’s hard, and I’m tired of watching you tie yourselves into knots, so that people will like you.

I understand.

I don’t usually wear pink and I haven’t always worn purple, most of my life it’s been black… and I get it.

And I bet you do too.

This is hard and we are more than caricatures.

We are more than someone’s projections.

And we are no less than beloved children of God, called and ordained.

Once upon a time each of us had an experience of being beloved by the divine and knew that we wanted to do this with our whole lives. It came to us, that more than anything, we wanted to be ordained, to serve God in the institutional church. And it sucks, and it’s amazing, and we cannot figure out which one it is right now.

I can think of only two ways around this. The first is to get down on our knees daily and pray, so that we can embody the faithfulness of Jesus Christ and live out our ordination vows.

The second is for us to be in this together. Us. You, me. All of us. Together. Because we cannot do this alone. We need people who speak our language and share our intimate desires to encounter the Holy.

We cannot lead in this fragile, frail, flawed institution that is The Episcopal Church. 

We cannot do this alone. We need Jesus. We need Jesus to fill our souls. And we need each other, to keep us sane, keep us grounded, enable us to move forward.

And we don’t do this alone. We do it together. With God, with God’s son.

I am in awe that we get to do this together.

It's a hard time to be a clergy person, a medical professional, an educator, a contractor, a first responder, a mother, daughter, father, son, and the list goes on. It's a hard time in which we are living. My beliefs for what will keep our clergy strong are the same beliefs I share for all of us. We cannot do this, alone. We need God. We need each other.

Copyright Bonnie A. Perry September 2023

A General Thanksgiving

 

A General Thanksgiving

Accept, O Lord, 
our thanks and praise for all that you have done for us. 
We thank you for the splendor of the whole creation,
for the beauty of this world, 
for the wonder of life,
and for the mystery of love.

We thank you for the blessing of family and friends, 
and for the loving care 
which surrounds us on every side.

We thank you for setting us at tasks 
which demand our best efforts, 
and for leading us to accomplishments
which satisfy and delight us.

We thank you also
for those disappointments and failures
that lead us to acknowledge our dependence on you alone.

Above all, we thank you for your Son Jesus Christ; 
for the truth of his Word 
and the example of his life; 
for his steadfast obedience, 
by which he overcame temptation; 
for his dying, 
through which he overcame death;
and for his rising to life again, 
in which we are raised to the life of your kingdom.

Grant us the gift of your Spirit, 
that we may know him and make him known; 
and through him, at all times and in all places,
may give thanks to you in all things. Amen.


Book of Common Prayer