Monday, March 31, 2008

"Parents Have No Rights to Raise Their Kids"

satire from Tominthebox Network

31 March, 2008

California Court Rules "Parents Have No Rights to Raise Their Kids"

Berkeley, Ca - In a shocking turn of events a Berkeley California Court has ruled that parents in the state have no legal rights to raise their own kids. The ruling was handed down on Wednesday by Judge William LaHelm. The ruling comes just weeks after a controversy concerning a law that threatened the legality of homeschooling. Those in support of that law also supported the recent ruling.

"Times are different these days than they were 200 years ago," said LaHelm in his ruling. "It is clear that parents are incapable of taking care of their own children. So many kids are being brainwashed with religious superstition, hate and discrimination against homosexuals, and other nonsense. This is now a job for the government to take care of to ensure the peace and order of our society."

The law has not yet gone into effect, and numerous court battles are expected. But if the law passes parents will be required to deliver their kids to specified locations where they will be taken into the custody of the state.

"If the law takes effect, parents will have one month to get everything together for their kids" said state representative Mary Harrington-Long. "The state will setup special boarding schools where kids will be taught the importance of tolerance, justice and veganism."

TBNN has learned that plans are already on the table for the building of 2200 new boarding schools as well as converting older schools into the new boarding facilities. Children will remain in the schools until the age of 18 when they will be free to leave. During their tenure at the schools they will learn important subjects such as environmentalism, womyn's rights, alternative lifestyles and the best of Cher's music.

"This shows tremendous progress for our great state," said Berkeley City Council member Patrick Winn. "I believe that children are our future, so we need to teach them well and let them lead the way, we need to show them all the beauty they posses inside."

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